Why do some people find it difficult to accept help? I had just demolished a steep hill during my daily walk and was huffing and puffing from every orifice of my body, when I chanced upon an elderly lady about to cross the road. She had a walking stick and three shopping bags filled to the brim. She had taken them out of a car and the boot was still open exposing more bags. Being me, I immediately crossed over and asked if I could lend a hand.
“I’m all right love,” she said, adding that her house was just on the other side of the road.
“No, you’re not, you silly dear and don’t make me change my mind,” I found myself thinking.
I ignored her comment, reached out, and tried to take the bags from her but she was still insisting that she did not need any help. I grabbed the bags anyway but must have applied some force because her fingers got entangled to the handles. “Easy, tiger!” I cautioned myself as I gently freed her hands and walked with her across the road to her front door.
“You’re such a lovely lady and I did not really want to bother you,” she said and then asked if I could help her with the rest of her bags. “My arthritis is playing up this morning but I needed to shop as I had practically run out of everything.”
Bother me? Did you ask for my help? I would not have offered if I did not wish to help. She forgot that “Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being.”
“Do you live around here? I have seen you a couple of times walking by,” she said, as I put down the last bag by her doorstep. “It will be ever so lovely to have you over for coffee. I don’t get to talk to many people, you see.”
“Thank you but I don’t live around here. It is just on my walking route. Have a good day,” I concluded as I stepped out to continue my interrupted walk.
Like my dear old lady, many of us find it hard to accept help from others. I attribute it to pride. We don’t want to be viewed as weak and frail. We want to prove that we are in control, even if we are dying. That is silly! We all need help. It does not make us less human to seek it or accept it.
A friend told how he offered his seat on a bus to a lady with a young child only to get abuses for his effort. “Well, you can bet that I will not do it again.”
“What a pity,” I said and then reminded him that "Success has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It’s what you do for others.” Even if they make you angry in the process.
I don’t know about you but I experience pure joy out of helping people. And it seems that I am not the only one." In a national survey involving over 3000 volunteers from all fields, nearly 95% of them reported that helping people on a regular basis gives them an immediate pleasurable sensation. ‘Helper's high’ consists of physical and emotional sensations, including sudden warmth, a surge of energy, excitement and joy, immediately after helping.
Another reward we get from helping is a healthy distraction. Shifting the focus from ourselves to others takes us away from the hassles of life, at least temporarily. It blocks pain because our attention is shifted from personal pain to the plight of fellow human beings. I could tell that my strides changed as soon as I was on my way after my encounter with my elderly friend. I was ready for the next hill. When I got to it, my breathing was not forced. Cranking up the volume on my Ipod, I hummed along to the music and became oblivious to the time and distance from that point to my home.
