Putting her foot in it!

I can’t wait to tell you what just happened to me. It was at 10:46 am that my door bell rang. How did I know the exact time, I hear you ask. Well, I had just placed this apple cream coffee cake in the oven, turned to look at the clock and was still holding my oven mittens in my hands.

My initial instinct was to ignore it. I was not expecting any one and have a very busy day ahead of me. But not being the type to ignore door bells unless the timing was positively inconvenient, I took the 13 steps from the centre of my kitchen to my front door (Yep, I went back and counted it before sitting down to write this!), still holding my oven mittens.

Peeping through the key hole, I was initially blinded by the red coat. I then made out the wearer, a middle aged woman who had a young girl in tow. She was clutching a handbag and was already holding out some pamphlets. I knew where she belonged and what she wanted. As a Christian, I welcome and love chatting with others who profess to know God. We might not always see eye to eye but that does not stop me from listening with patience and occasionally putting across my own points. But not today. Shall I just walk back and ignore them?

“Well," I said to myself, "you’re already at the door so you might as well open it and dismiss them politely."

I opened the door still holding my mittens and with a sorry-but-must-get-back-to work look on my face.

“Good morning.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to wake you up from sleep but I would like to…”

What is this? A canned greeting for those who happen to be still at home at 11 am?

“You did not wake me up. I AM COOKING,” I spelled out waving the mittens for effect.

“Oh sorry but you’re still wearing your…” she tried to stutter,

She still didn’t get it. I knew what I was wearing so she had no excuse. I glanced at her little girl who looked to be about 11 and the poor thing had her face fully focused on the ground. She got it.

The woman in red stretched out her hand and offered me her pamphlet. “We’re going around your neighbourhood and inviting people to our Convention on the …”

I took the paper and was about to close my door when I remembered my grace and charm.” Have a very good day ladies.” I smiled that smile that only showed the teeth.. You know; the one that never touched the heart. Then I shut the door.

Turning around, I barged into my guest toilet, located not far from my front door and turned to the full length wall mirror. I had and still have on my lounging Kaftan with a dusting of flour on the left hand side, an evidence of my time in my kitchen. My hair is not bad. True I have no makeup on but there is no way I look like someone who is just roused from sleep. Then I looked at the paper.

"Violence, immorality and global warming, along with
oil spills and other environmental disaster – all
these problems had led concerned people to ask:
WILL HUMANS RUIN THIS EARTH?"

Talk about ruining the earth! Lady, you've tried to ruin my day!! You've just made me feel like a lazy slob who hugs her bed until midday. If only you know what I have achieved this morning and what I still need to do before the end of the day. I felt bad and really small. Then I glanced at the mirror again and smiled, this time for real. Who should be feeling small and embarrassed? Me, in my own home and doing my own thing or this woman who tried to mess my head up by putting her foot in her mouth?

Out of line comments are never pleasant. People must learn to think before they open their mouth. Thoughtless statements can be offensive and such verbal blunders belittle the receiver and chips away confidence.

I now find myself wondering if I am at all like this lady. Have I said some insensitive things to people that left them embarrassed or hurt? If so then I am truly sorry. It is worth thinking positively and saying something complementary at all times.

As for the invitation from the woman in red, it is already resting where it belongs, in my trash can. And I need to go bring my cake out of the oven. It is for a good cause and some folks who are yet unknown to me will enjoy it later. Cheers!

Life goes on!

There is no kick in the butt that lands harder than when people start asking why I have abandoned my blog! “Have you run out of ideas,” one asked recently, for which he received a big scowl from me. Me run out of ideas? That would be the day. My head is so packed full of ideas that they disturb my sleep every night. If I could put down all the musings in my head, and find buyers for them, I would be competing with Bill Gates in the riches realm.

No, the ideas are still there. But I did run out of steam and the will to bother. With two rapid demise of loved ones – my mother and mother-in-law and poor health of loved brothers, I decided to withdraw, look inwards and feel sorry for myself. “What a waste of life!” I can now say to myself.

My late father always delighted in telling people that his shoulders were broad enough and mine should have been the same to accommodate all that life threw at me. It’s silly really come to think about it! Nothing would bring back my two mothers and God is healing my brothers. I should put back my forward looking cloak and be me once again. Life goes on.

I like this quote attributed to bestselling author and life coach, Anthony Robbins:

“Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”

I’m here and must live life to the full. I intend to experience some things, not everything. I promise to take care of myself and my friends, if they let me. I am good at screwing up so nothing new here. Just need to screw up without guilt. I do learn from my mistakes but not all the time. I know that some causes of problems cannot be eliminated but I will certainly eliminate the ‘eliminatables’ and manage others.

I will work hard at not being perfect. That is the bane of my life!

Grounded by fear!

I’ve been hit by both physical and mental lethargy and it is not funny! I feel like fashioning some wire coat hangers to prop myself up but I know that I won’t even have the strength to bend those wires into shape. It is like my real muscles have decided to go on AWOL.

Mentally my level of consciousness is zero. I want to sleep yet I feel too tired to do so! I cannot concentrate (Am I even making sense as I write this!). I cannot think and cannot think out why I am not thinking. O boy, what a mess. I am supposed to be working from home today – you know, articles to write, mails to reply, rooms to tidy, shopping to do (God, I don’t want to be seen by anybody) but what have I done so far? Nothing. My brain is a mush!!

I know what my problem is. I have a mother who is 100 years old but two days ago, started getting weak. I am so far away and can do very little from here. I know that she is in good hands. No, that’s not my worry.

I am just frightened that I might get a bad news. And don’t tell me that she has lived a long life. It is never enough!

I recently encountered a man who is difficult, obnoxious and downright rude. Nothing is good unless it comes from him. He has no respect for people in authority, believes only in himself and knows how to use his pen or shall I say computer keyboard as a poisonous dart. He says things with the intention of hurting others.

But I will not be doing myself and my age any favours if I pretend not to have seen his kind. I’m sure you have too. I don’t know what your first instinct is when faced with such characters. Being only human, mine is often to protect myself when attacked. Like the Hulk, I find myself thinking “Don’t make me angry. You won’t like me when I’m angry!” But my intelligence overrides any tit for tat actions I sometimes feel like taking, for which I thank God.

I don’t know who said that “Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. How true! I have learnt not to hold grudges because it gives me skin pain. What’s more, while I’m there seething with anger, the perpetrator might be relaxing at home quaffing beer, unaware that I’m seething.

No, I value my life and my sanity. And I don’t want to age before my time or even when it is my time to do so. That’s why I smile more than I frown; dance whenever I can, even in my kitchen while I cook and often see every cup as half full – even if there is just a drop in the bottom. Believe me, if you say that it is half full, then it really is!

Yep, like my late father used to say, “My shoulders are broad enough.”

Finally, I thank God that I am not married to this guy! His home life must suck!!

And all because the lady loved cheese

It happened 33 years ago in a country that neither manufactured nor saw cheese as part of its food; there were yummier and more wholesome things to keep the mouth busy! In fact the only places to get cheese were from the very few specialist shops that catered for the foreigners who lived and worked there. But this young girl had developed a liking for cheese, an act that seemed odd and baffled many.

Now the real story. She married in her final year in the University and soon after her degree exams, set off to overseas to join her young love who had proceeded before her. The plan was that she would stop over in the capital city, visit with husband’s eldest brother and his family and then fly off from there. This newly acquired brother-in-law called her to find out what she would enjoy eating while she was with them. Cheese, she promptly answered. The silly girl did not even pause and think how the cheese could be acquired. All she knew was that her favourite thing to eat was cheese.

And so she flew into town and was warmly welcomed by her new family. Come evening time and her brother-in-law returned from work. Between his newspapers, files and briefcase was a carrier bag looking rather heavy. He approached the young bride, gave her a big hug, and then dropping the papers, briefcase and files on the table, offered her the carrier bag. “For you,” he said. The bag weighed a ton. OK, less than that but still very heavy. Peering inside, she was confronted by the biggest slab of cheese she had ever seen or might see again. It seemed that instead of asking the shopkeeper to cut him a slab, her benefactor must have gone for the whole piece in the shop! It must have cost him a bundle but did he seem to have minded? Nah!!

Over the years, this bride (no longer young!) was to find out that his generosity did not start or end with her. He was a born giver who delighted in giving to relatives and his community. He also delighted in good news, rejoiced with people in their success and shared in their joy and sorrow. He was big but his heart was bigger. He was a man of the people, a great story teller and even enjoyed an occasional gossip too. He was a joy to be with. What’s more, he gave without expecting anything in return. Two years ago when he visited his brother whose wife he indulged with the slab of cheese, she reminded him of his largess and asked how he expected her to eat a whole cheese within a short time. “Well, you said that you liked it and so I got it for you,” was his answer.

Yes, life dealt him a few bad hands which made him recoil a little. But he remained ever so loyal. On the 5th of December 2009, he graced his young nephew’s wedding and despite his arthritis and ill health, danced with the young couple. On the 21 of December, he took his last breath, plunging his family, both immediate and extended, his community and all those who had the honour of knowing him into grief and mourning.

Sam, thanks for the cheese, for encouraging me, for your joy in my successes in life, for bragging about me, my husband and children. But most of all, thank you for being you. I will remember you not only when I eat cheese but always. Rest in peace!

I'm plain lazy!

Is it that I'm too busy, have run out of ideas, my computer crashed or just plain lazy to blog? I think that the last reason is it! Must wake up from slumber 'cause my heart is not at rest. It keeps saying "turn around Chika, get on with what you know you're good at and what you enjoy doing!"

No, this has nothing to do with New Year resolution. I gave up on that years ago as it often lasted until the week after January one; or was it less than that? Yep you've heard of people like me, those whose stick-with-itness is zero when it comes to resolutions. Well, why would I promise not to eat when I am surrounded by lots of goodies and have worked hard to earn every morsel of it.

No. Resolutions don't work for me. What does is when I try on that pair of jeans and find that I have to take a deep breath before the zip agrees to ride up. Like now!

Luckily the constant January barrage from Weightwatchers dropped into my mailbox yesterday. Might just decide to take a look at it!

Accept help from others

Why do some people find it difficult to accept help? I had just demolished a steep hill during my daily walk and was huffing and puffing from every orifice of my body, when I chanced upon an elderly lady about to cross the road. She had a walking stick and three shopping bags filled to the brim. She had taken them out of a car and the boot was still open exposing more bags. Being me, I immediately crossed over and asked if I could lend a hand.

 “I’m all right love,” she said, adding that her house was just on the other side of the road.

 “No, you’re not, you silly dear and don’t make me change my mind,” I found myself thinking.

 I ignored her comment, reached out, and tried to take the bags from her but she was still insisting that she did not need any help. I grabbed the bags anyway but must have applied some force because her fingers got entangled to the handles.  “Easy, tiger!” I cautioned myself as I gently freed her hands and walked with her across the road to her front door.

 “You’re such a lovely lady and I did not really want to bother you,” she said and then asked if I could help her with the rest of her bags. “My arthritis is playing up this morning but I needed to shop as I had practically run out of everything.”

 Bother me? Did you ask for my help? I would not have offered if I did not wish to help. She forgot that “Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being.”

 “Do you live around here? I have seen you a couple of times walking by,” she said, as I put down the last bag by her doorstep. “It will be ever so lovely to have you over for coffee. I don’t get to talk to many people, you see.”

 “Thank you but I don’t live around here. It is just on my walking route. Have a good day,” I concluded as I stepped out to continue my interrupted walk.

 Like my dear old lady, many of us find it hard to accept help from others. I attribute it to pride. We don’t want to be viewed as weak and frail. We want to prove that we are in control, even if we are dying. That is silly! We all need help. It does not make us less human to seek it or accept it.

 A friend told how he offered his seat on a bus to a lady with a young child only to get abuses for his effort. “Well, you can bet that I will not do it again.”

“What a pity,” I said and then reminded him that "Success has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It’s what you do for others.” Even if they make you angry in the process.

 I don’t know about you but I experience pure joy out of helping people. And it seems that I am not the only one." In a national survey involving over 3000 volunteers from all fields, nearly 95% of them reported that helping people on a regular basis gives them an immediate pleasurable sensation. ‘Helper's high’ consists of physical and emotional sensations, including sudden warmth, a surge of energy, excitement and joy, immediately after helping.

Another reward we get from helping is a healthy distraction. Shifting the focus from ourselves to others takes us away from the hassles of life, at least temporarily. It blocks pain because our attention is shifted from personal pain to the plight of fellow human beings. I could tell that my strides changed as soon as I was on my way after my encounter with my elderly friend. I was ready for the next hill. When I got to it, my breathing was not forced. Cranking up the volume on my Ipod, I hummed along to the music and became oblivious to the time and distance from that point to my home.